Few things in life hurt me more than hearing a friend of mine has been talking about me, particularly about things that are incredibly painful or personal. I suppose as we get older our circle of friends becomes smaller and it’s because we realize that we can’t keep everyone in our lives like we hoped we would. Some people care more about spreading gossip than they do about how they make their friends feel when they do it. I don’t have a place for people like that in my life anymore.

It’s so hard for me not to let what other people say about me define who I am. I don’t enjoy being not liked or hurting others. Many times, too easily, I allow people who hold no significance in my life to take from who I am and hinder the person I have come to be. I will let what I hear someone says about me that does not reflect who I truly am have so much power that I let it define me for a little while and I sulk in it.

I learn new things every day and try to learn things from every experience. This morning I went on a walk, still very angry and hurt. I finally came to some new conclusions for my life based off this one silly little incident that hurt me a lot more than I imagined it would. I hope that maybe sharing them with whoever cares to read this will be helpful for you too:

People who sincerely care about me and deserve to be in my life will not attempt to bring me down. They won’t judge me the way others in my past have judged me. They will love me for who I am mistakes and all.

I have to remember every single day to take the time to remind myself of who I’ve come to be on my own terms, not who other people have made me out to be, especially people who don’t know me.

If I judge others or talk about others the same way they do about me, I’m no better than them. I need to remember to respect the people who come into my life.

People can only take from me what I allow them to take from me. If I let other people define who I am, I am giving them the power to direct where my path will lead.

If you’ve never realized how small you are, you should stop to think about the reality of your existence. The universe is vast and cataclysmal and you are an inconsequential speck in the span of it. And yet, you are still an integral and necessary being without whose presence the world would not be how it is. Isn’t that in itself miraculous?

Our finite brains can’t comprehend the enormity of the state we live in, let alone the universe in which we reside. A universe that is just as alive as we are. A universe that, somehow, we still control and effect. Because as much as life is an illusion, it is also poignant and remarkable. You are given what you need. There is a greater force at work that we theorize about but can’t quite definitely understand. And maybe that’s just how it needs to be. Because if everything were explained, there would be nothing left to figure out. There would be no journey or development or growth. We are all essentially still in a childlike state when you consider what we know compared to the knowledge of the universe. But we lose the wonder.

We lose the wonder because we are gutted by our lives. We are literally and metaphorically cut open, killed and left to either resurrect ourselves or sit in that nothingness. What compels me to believe in humanity, and what keeps me in love with people, is that most often, we choose the former.

You do have love. It’s surrounding you and it’s brought you here. It’s so easy to forget where you are when you stare at the same four walls day-in-and-day-out. You can feel as though your part-time job waiting tables yields no consequence. But all while you’re distracted by the mundane and the ordinary, the miraculous surrounds you, you’re just blind to it.

There are stars colliding and life is evolving and things are transforming and existence is coming and going, it is, always will, and has been even in the 5 seconds it just took you to read that sentence. Whenever you feel hopeless, all you need to do is go outside and realize that you have been molded into human form for some reason. You are somewhere you may never be again. Your actions, no matter how inconsequential you think they may be, have been essential.

Pain is part of the process. It’s part of the miraculousness. You see it when light shines through storm clouds, in the refracting lights of supernovas, in the fact that you must be in a physical state to comprehend the physical things around you– sight, sound, material. But it is also those senses that facilitate your pain. All of these things are rooted in suffering, and yet they all yield the miraculous. So be here. Be part of what you’re sewn into. Bloom where you’re planted. Be aware of the greatness that you are and realize that without you, the seaming of this mysteriously interconnected world would cease to exist as it is. Hope is never gone, it’s just ignored.

does anyone else ever get really stressed over assignments and know that you should be doing them but you feel like you physically can't stop procrastinating and that just stresses you out even more or is that just me

you can tell zayn is the one who has to sit down and explain things to the other boys when they don't understand something and he just sits there and listens to their dumb questions and all the dumb things they say and eventually he just gets up and walks away and we see him 5 days later

when people talk about anorexia and bulimia and say things along the lines of "most guys like curves on a girl" god damn it shut up not everytHING IS ABOUT GOD DAMN FUCKING MEN

i just realized how dangerous it is to be a pizza boy like you could literally show up anywhere and like someone could just shoot you like if someone orders a pizza in the ghetto you have to go to the ghetto and give them the pizza like wow pizza boys are so brave i want to date a pizza boy

if your heart doesn't feel like it's gonna come out of your chest when the lights go off at a concert you're either lying or you don't deserve to go to concerts

what if clouds and lakes switched spots and every time you looked up you'd see waves being pulled by the moon and we'd wade through the clouds on a hot day what if birds grew grass and the ground grew feathers what if flowers were as tall as trees and trees as small as flowers

1. walk up to a group of people that you don't know

2. start saying "so what's the deal with airline food" in an increasingly aggressive tone until they become so uncomfortable that they laugh

3. when they laugh do it too but louder and in a maniacal way

a male celebrity can literally beat his girlfriend half to death and still enjoy a successful career with millions of adoring fans

 

a female celebrity can gain a few pounds and she's shunned, mocked, and ridiculed by thousands of people over many different mediums

 

do you see the problem with this

why do plus sized models have to be called "plus-sized" why can't they just be called "models" it's like when they say "gay marriage" why can't it just be "marriage" i'm so sick of society and their stupid theories of what is right and what is wrong bye

god now that i think about it

 

laughing is really endearing?? like holy shit if you think about it's actually a really wierd noise? juST THINK ABOUT... WHAT LAUGHING IS ?? ?? it's choppy sounds that you can't help yourself making because something makes you happy

 

how fucking cute is that pEOPLE ARE SO CUTE

i have the deepest affection for intellectual conversations. the ability to just sit and talk. about love, about life, about anything, about everything. to sit under the moon with all the time in the world, the full-speed train that is our lives slowing to a crawl. bound by no obligations, barred by no human limitations. to speak without regret or fear of consequence. to talk for hours and about what's really important in life.

so you mean to tell me that guys can get a ton of condoms for free

 

but i'm still paying like $10 for tampons/pads a month

 

even though i did not sign the terms and conditions for this 'menstruation' shit for the next 30 years?

 

guys don't HAVE to have sex you know

 

but sure let's make sure they've got everything they need

 

cause i definitely love using the last of my money on shit to make sure i don't BLEED RIVERS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND RUIN ALL MY CLOTHES

 

ok

i don't understand the pleasure in sexting

 

like ok what if i got a text that was like 'oh my dick is hard' like

 

what would

 

?????

 

how do i respond??

 

'i'm so happy for you'

i hate when girls use those shitty insults like "you can't spell cunt without u (:" ok well there's a lot of things you can't spell without u

 

you can't spell soup without u what does that mean am i soup

i don't know my sense of humor is really obnoxious and when i'm not being obnoxious i'm being really boring and quiet so i guess i can understand why no one likes me

 

DO YOU EVER GET SO ATTACHED TO ONE OF YOUR INTERNET FRIENDS THAT WHEN THEY'RE NOT ONLINE OR THEY'RE ONLINE AND THEY'RE NOT REALLY TALKING TO YOU YOU CAN FEEL YOUR INSIDES WHINING LIKE A SMALL KITTEN

 

AND YOU LIKE WANT TO TALK TO THEM BUT YOU'RE AFRAID YOU'RE ANNOYING THEM TO DEATH EVEN THOUGH THEY CONSTANTLY TELL YOU THAT YOU DON'T ANNOY THEM

 

AND YOU JUST WANT TO BE NEXT TO THEM AND LOVE ON THEM AND IN GENERAL BE WITH THEM