02:16

  
           date: 2013-08-18 time: 02:16:47

i wish i could feel sneaky and cool when i think about people ‘cause like you can do it ALL YOU WANT and no one will ever have to know but i dont actually feel like that i feel like everyone knoWs and they can see it they READ MY THOUGHTS ALL OF THE TIME AND THINK “WOW THATS SO WEIRD HOW YOU THINK ABOUT [thing] ALL OF THE TIME HAHA YOURE PATHETIC” so i scold myself for thinking about things too much and try not to from then on

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  02:05

  
           date: 2013-08-18 time: 02:05:58

it’s SO NICE but also SO SAD to hear people who met on the internet see each other in person for the first time and talk about mannerisms they have. it’s so nice because i love little things about people and it would be soooo important to me to be able to witness the tiny strange things my internet friends do but also so sad because there are just some things you cant know about someone until you meet them and it’s…really sad. so sad. im sad

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  02:05

  
           date: 2013-08-18 time: 02:05:19

the thing about telling people who are unhappy with their bodies to just “eat right” and “hit the gym” is that a lot of the time people who are already physically fit and beautiful by society’s standards or are dangerously underweight hate themselves and telling them to exercise isnt going to change that at all. surprisingly enough what is going to actually change that is NOT saying things like “just hit the gym fatty” and instead encouraging people of all body types to love themselves, because even if youre not fit you should still be deemed beautiful by societal standards and it’s garbage that youre not

stop giving people “easy solutions” to struggling with body image because they never work and youre absolutely doing more harm than good

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  23:51

  
           date: 2013-08-13 time: 23:50:26

Who you are requires no thought. We use labels from experiences we’ve had to define ourselves, but in reality, even without those experiences, we would still be here. We would still exist, and we would still be. We are more than just the summation of the things we have and haven’t done. Even if I weren’t a blogger or a woman or a sister or whatever else I use to define myself, I’d still be “me.” Now, these things are so thoroughly ingrained in me it would seem as though without them I would cease as well, but as many people can tell you, all of who you are is not something you can classify by the means of words or language or mental understanding.

You are your awareness. That’s all. You are your consciousness. You are whatever it is inside you that realizes your reality and experiences things every day. Who you are does not direct your mind with thoughts, it is who experiences those thoughts. Your mind is nothing more than a computer, processing your human experience and, indeed, providing invaluable functionality for a human body. But that’s really it. It doesn’t do much more than that, other than fill you with irrational thoughts because your mind does not know like your soul does.

If you’d humor me for a moment and just take the time to acknowledge your awareness, you’ll reach a part of you you’ve probably never touched before. At this awareness, there is a sense of peace. You realize that everything that happens is not inherently good or bad, but that we assign connotations to it based on what we were trained to believe is acceptable or not. We realize that life is no more than an unfolding of experience that our minds contort with meaning in an effort to set up a mental obstacle course that we can overcome, and grow.

Realizing this was one of the most influential things I have achieved in my life, and funnily enough, it didn’t require anything more than just the ability to sit, be, and recognize my nature for what it is. Allowing myself those few minutes of complete focus on my awareness and nothing else showed me with great contrast how deeply our lives are crafted by the hallmarks of society, and how it will drive us all to misery if we let it.

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  21:10

  
           date: 2013-08-13 time: 21:10:39

I used to think the worst way to die was in a tank filling with water, you know? Like in the movies? They keep banging on the glass or the rocks or wherever they’re trapped, and the water’s rising and rising, and at the last minute they escape? Well, if it happened in real life they wouldn’t escape. So I thought that’d be the worst way to go.

But then I realized… I realized that’s what we’re all doing. That’s life. We’re all banging on the glass hoping for something more, trying not to feel pain, trying not to drown. Everyone secretly thinks their life is that fairytale. That they’ll burst out and have something more. Maybe that happens sometimes. You know, every once in a while. Maybe not.

All I know is that my life was that tank, and it was slowly filling. When I was little, when I first saw Titanic and shit, I thought the worst part of that whole scenario was the anticipation of death. But I was wrong. It’s the anticipation of pain. Like, just waiting and pounding and pounding on the walls that confine you and getting more and more tired, and you’ve come up with a last resort. You know, you bang your head against the glass—knock yourself out so you don’t have to slowly drown. But that takes courage, right? Or maybe not courage. Maybe the opposite… like the fear has to be really strong. Either way, you have to decide when to give up hope that someone will rescue you or that you’ll be special and miraculous enough to rescue yourself. And relinquishing that hope… who knows? Maybe that’s more painful than the drowning itself. But it doesn’t matter. Once it’s gone, it’s not going to come back on its own. You’d have to fight for it, and fight hard, because the truth is just so persistent. And you’re not strong enough, not brave enough, not ready or willing enough for that battle. So you end it.

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  11:09

  
           date: 2013-08-13 time: 11:09:42

this probably sounds really stupid but i actually think crying is really nice. it’s just good to be able to let it all out. i probably wouldn’t have this opinion if i cried several times a day, but when you only do it like once a year, it’s a rather enjoyable experience lbr

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  21:49

  
           date: 2013-08-11 time: 21:49:47

i just want someone to take the edge off my loneliness you know like sometimes i’m just watching tv or listening to music and i’m like how great would it be if there was someone sitting next to me on the couch or like damn this bed is cold and this blanket isn’t enough and i just want someone to be my big spoon? i just want someone i can call at any time and be like i’m doing nothing do you want to do nothing with me bc i think you could fill a lil void and make my contentment seamless? you know?

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  21:45

  
           date: 2013-08-04 time: 20:46:12

i think we need to be talk about immigration for a sec bc too many people are ambivalent about this issue and too many more are indifferent and then there is a frightening number who actually insist that illegal immigrants are a threat to their happinesss

like wow is your life so fuckin bad that you have this need to see families broken up and lives ruined just check yourself and shut up about ‘border security’ and ‘real americans’ and please go find a large tree branch to shove up your ass

some of these people have gone through shit you can’t even imagine while you’re sitting on your ass concocting abstract ways in which one family’s happiness screws things up for you and thinking about how you can fuck with the lives of hard-working parents who have finally found some safety and stability for their children

and i mean it about that tree branch ok

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  17:16

  
           date: 2013-08-02 time: 16:16:48

it kind of sucks that most people who are integrated into society spend the majority of their waking hours during the work week tapping their foot and waiting to go home so they can use the money they’ve made to buy goods and services provided by other people who are tapping their feet

like it’s just one of those sucky things you realize as you get older ya know you realize that most of the people you encounter when you’re out and about on a daily basis are just putting in their shifts and glancing at the clock i feel like there’s a better way or smth? who wants to join my hippie commune??

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  20:12

  
           date: 2013-07-27 time: 20:12:09

there are a lot of fucked up things happening in the world recently but for some reason this trayvon martin thing really got to me in particular

i was thinking about him this morning - how there was nothing unusual about him he was just a normal kid and if he was white he would still be alive and that’s as clear cut as it gets

and absolutely no one can deny that if a black man got out of his car and
killed an unarmed white boy that man would be in jail for the rest of his life - no one would even think about his motives the way we think about zimmerman. no matter how much we hate him, we do think about him, about why he did it, about the fact that he was a horrible racist, about what was going through his sick mind. but if a black man killed a white boy, there wouldn’t even be any of that. he’d be in prison in a second and (aside from wanting him dead and using him as justification for racism) no one would give him another thought - their thoughts would be only with the murdered boy

our thoughts should be with trayvon martin and his loved ones - further victims of this world’s rampant racism, the existence of which a shocking number of people continue to deny

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  20:06

  
           date: 2013-07-27 time: 20:06:37

i don’t want to be bitter but wow sometimes it’s like we actually live in such a disgusting world and i don’t want to feel that way but it seem so irreparable ugh idk i was so much happier before i opened my eyes wow i want to be optimistic i want to be hugh grant in love actually you know i want to go to the airport and watch people hug i don’t want to know that some people are so awful

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  19:43

  
           date: 2013-07-27 time: 19:43:24

i’ve recently been cooking up an idea for a novel i want to write which might sound dumb but i’m so excited about it. i love writing poetry but it’s really just something i do to keep myself busy. i’m not very good at it, and while it’s a fun hobby, story-writing is something i’ve loved since i was a child. i’ve been kind of intimidated by prose for the past few years because i don’t tend to have the commitment for it. even when i was younger, i would write pages and pages of a “novel" and map out the whole plot before abandoning it for lack of motivation. recently, however, inspiration finally struck!!!!!!!! it’s silly but i’m suddenly very attached to the characters i’ve concocted and i think this is something i can stick to~~

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  19.04

  
           date: 2013-07-16 time: 02:04:24

it’s so weird when people die it’s just like ok im here now im breathing im speaking and i have all this responsibility and burden and emotion and relationships and love and hate and posessions and then before you know it youre just a lifeless corpse who doesnt have a soul anymore and then you basically just turn back into ashes 6 ft. below the ground as if you never existed
death is so cool but so weird/scary
scary in the sense that it’s the most unpredictable thing

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  19:06

  
           date: 2013-06-30 time: 19:06:23
stop posting your 'eating disorder story' or having 'my story' links on your blog!!!!!!! your mental illness is not a story!!! your mental illness does not make you a character of fiction or the tortured star of a dramatic film!! getting everything sorted in your head is one thing (so is writing a cautionary novel or a poem or anything that helps you purge your feelings about your struggles) BUT emphatically detailing 'your story' is another!! you soften the edges to include the time you cried delicately after fasting for four days but not the time you spent an hour shitting forty laxatives! you rattle off the number of times you went to the hospital and the number of years you suffered as if it is something of an accomplishment!!! it's not!! you are inadvertently glamorizing your illness!!!!!!!!!!! stop!!!!
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  .

  
           date: 2013-06-28 time: 01:03:09
one day you will put on comfortable clothes that smell like fabric softener and meander over to a sunlit bed carrying a mug of tea warmer than your t-shirt after its spin in the dryer, and you will lay down next to someone who finds amusement in the slight squint of your eyes against the bright rays that flood through the open window with air that tastes like winter, someone who will wait until you have placed that mug, empty, on the bedside table before kissing you roughly and fucking you softly and then the other way around until the sun gives way to the moon which gives way to cloudy inevitability, and you breathe loudly and simultaneously with the person you love, watching the snow fall outside the window, your dryer-spun clothes crumpled on the hardwood floors.
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  uh thoughts

  
           date: 2013-06-28 time: 00:52:11
tbh one reason i think religion exists is that people are scared like not just of the unknown or of death, but of themselves. people are scared of their own power. they are scared of what they will do knowing complete sovereignty over their own lives. they are scared of making their own rules, scared of doing what they enjoy without restriction, scared of feeling happiness without also feeling guilt.
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  reasons to quit

  
           date: 2013-06-28 time: 00:48:52
but imagine just leaving one night and flying to jamaica or france or italy or australia or south korea or somewhere and not telling anyone where you are or where you're going next (but making sure to call your mom at least once a week to let her know that you're still alive and no you're not coming home soon and no this isn't about a boy it's about you and how you need to not feel like the walls are closing in around you anymore) and sending postcards from all over to people who spent their whole lives wrapped like shackles around your ankles and not signing them but instead writing lines from hemingway novels or dickinson poems or maybe just writing "fuck you" and letting them wonder about the postmarks and wonder about you and hoping they feel sick to their stomach when they think about their mediocre lives and maybe you'll end up changing your name and working in a flower shop on the coast of spain (even though high school spanish really, really didn't prepare you for this) and you'll go down to the beach every night and dig your hands into the sand and finally, finally feel like you can breathe
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  .

  
           date: 2013-06-27 time: 16:51:29
the reason nobody writes realistic stories/makes realistic television shows about sufferers of mental illness is that realistic mental illness is not exciting (or fun or even all that fucking interesting) to watch. a lot of times realistic mental illness is lying in your bed alone for a week straight and moving only to cry and puke. a lot of times it's looking ugly as fuck bc you haven't showered in days. a lot of times it's daily life, just with everything slower and harder.
 
like if i'm gonna write a story about someone with a mental illness i'm gonna make her the way i wish everyone's mental illnesses had played out. i'm going to make it a story with a beginning, middle, and end. i'm going to give her a support system. i'm going to make her pretty and loved, because let's be honest in the few moments when people are not wishing they were mentally stable, they're wishing they had been that perfect victim we're all too familiar with. everyone wants to write about the pixie because that's the fantasy and fantasy is more alluring than reality.
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  27.june

  
           date: 2013-06-27 time: 16:26:31
stop apologizing when you know you have nothing to be sorry for
 
stop saying thank you for contrived compliments paid by someone trying to fuck you
 
stop explaining yourself to people who are faking concern to satisfy their curiosity
 
you don't owe anyone a part of you because you belong entirely to yourself
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  you're a person

  
           date: 2013-06-27 time: 04:12:16
you are a person. you are more than the things that surround you. there are things turned inward, too.
 
you are your concave self, even when it is too dark and eerie and you are scared to visit. that will not stop others. they wonder and remember.
 
you occupy space in their lives and their minds. your friends think about you sometimes. they think positive things. sometimes strangers think positive things about you too.
 
you are more than just the physical body you inhabit. removing it would not erase your presence on the earth. others have already tracked bits of you into their homes.
 
you are scattered everywhere, some days by way of a dandelion caught by the wind, seeds sown randomly but pervasively, and other times like a daisy, petals plucked carefully by those searching for an answer.
 
everyone you know has pieces of you that they cherish, nourish with each breath and bite and sip and slumber.
 
we are all composed entirely of grains of sand stolen from nearby beaches by the ocean that washes ceaselessly over us. so every person is an island, and no person is alone.
 
do not forget that you are a person.
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  • H O M E P A G E


    kik me my_way_to_fitness
    instagram my_way_to_fitness
    mail [email protected]



    Alexandra. 16. Sweden. On this blog you'll get to know the real me, with no exceptions, meaning there will be a lot of fucked up thoughts. Mentally dating Styles so I'll be just another hormonal victim at times. Love tea | flowers | avocado | sunshine | salmon | pink | city skylines at night | bubble baths | starry night skies | snowflakes | smoothies | chocolate | dimples | candles | coconut ||.

    beautiful soul(s) online

      2 0 1 2
     1  Δ  2  Δ  3  Δ  4  Δ  5  Δ  6
   7  Δ  8  Δ  9  Δ  10  Δ  11  Δ  12

      2 0 1 3
     1  Δ  2  Δ  3  Δ  4  Δ  5  Δ  6
   7  Δ  8  Δ  9  Δ  10  Δ  11  Δ  12