happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open
date: 2013-01-20 
time: 02:00:21
time: 02:00:21oh okay so wow it's been a long time since i blogged, again. i was thinking about making a post earlier today actually but i kinda forgot about it and now when i was just about to go to sleep i remembered and was like 'omg i need to blog' and now i'm here and if that's not the most interesting thing you've heard all day you're wrong. today has been a pretty nice day but nothing's happened which made it pretty boring but at the same time i needed relaxation so it was good anyways i guess. i'm a nervwreck though because i've had a week off this week so i basically haven't exercised hard since monday so i have all this adrenaline in my body omg it's frustrating. i'm really fascinated by this though because i'm such a different person and it's crazy how much i've changed. like i never exercised before and now i'm about to rip my hair out because i miss my workouts so much. a person can change, i'm the living proof of that for sure. after laying in bed for about an hour just watching tv-shows i got so bored and i had soooo much adrenaline in my body so i decided to go outside even though i looked like a freak because i was too lazy this morning so i didn't wear makeup nor had i fixed my hair. i tried to drag my little brother with me too to get some company but he ditched me and chose to stay inside with his iPad (did i mention he's 8???). i didn't do anything at all tbh. i was practically walking around my house because i didn't want an encounter with my odd neighbours and especially not since i looked like i did. in the end it resulted in me running up and down our stair (still outside) so i guess i got some exercise anyways woops. i also tried to do some yoga in the snow pls don't laugh at me. i decided to stop though when i caught my neighbour watching me from the window (i literally have no privacy here because all my neighbours are nosy and curious it's frustrating as hell). i've painted my nails and cleaned my room and fixed a salad and i've eaten and i've blogged and i've listened to nostalgic music on a cd i had from like 2007 so memories came back to me it was awesome. i need to sleep because otherwise i won't be able to go to sleep at a decent time tomorrow and i have school so that would only be really troublesome.
reminder to self:
i need to stop thinking that i'm the exception
"everyone deserves to be happy except me"
"everyone has the right to do things just for pleasure except me"
"everyone should be able to relax except me"
"everyone can make mistakes because they're human and that's what humans do except me"
i'm not a special snowflake and i am not the exception to any of these things. i need to stop being stubborn and realize that my purpose in this world is not to torture myself whenever possible.
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my name is alexandra hi hello
date: 2013-01-13 time: 23:45:59
time: 23:45:59omg i need to go to sleep why am i still up??? my mind is going wild and i have all these ideas and things i want to do and i wanna do them now bc i know i'll be too lazy to do them tomorrow but i can't bc i need to sleep i have a problem. i don't even know what i am writing sry and also i need to blog more sry ignore this hopefully i'll have something to say tmrw that makes sense bye
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how to ruin your life if you'd ask me
date: 2013-01-11 time: 20:29:07
time: 20:29:07stay in one place your whole life. always order vanilla even though the menu is four pages long. become the type of person who sends back lattes. save up your money for a plasma tv instead of a plane ticket. talk a lot about things you know nothing about. have an affair with someone you don't even find attractive.
refuse to forget your ex. make it impossible for yourself to do anything without remembering that you used to do it with them. hug your knees under the sheets and think about how safe you felt when they held you at night. remind yourself daily of how empty you feel. find new ways to make yourself sad.
get drunk all the time. consider no saturday night, national holiday or extended happy hour complete without a vodka-induced breakdown. graduate college but keep drinking like you’re still in it. notice that cheap beer tastes watery and stale when you drink it alone but drink it anyway. look at old facebook photos wasted and wonder where everyone went.
never drink. never do anything that could potentially be “bad” for you. treat your body like the temple it is and say no to carbs, yes to wheatgrass, go to bed at ten sharp and turn down cake on your birthday. take fifteen different dietary supplements. monitor carefully. succumb to nothing. miss out on everything.
compare yourself constantly, to everyone. allow the standards of image-obsessed, age-obsessed culture to make you feel decrepit at 25. scroll through skinny girls on tumblr feeling wistful and inadequate. pull at the skin on your hipbones, stomach, and underarms in the mirror. sigh a lot. sigh all the time.
don’t fall in love with anyone or anything. put an impenetrable wall between yourself and other people. add a fire-breathing dragon and eight yards of barbed wire. be suspicious of everyone’s motives. hold grudges long after you’ve forgotten what for.
fall in love with everyone and everything. run after the next best thing like it’s a bus you’re perpetually late for. throw your heart into every other stranger’s hands and be genuinely surprised to be hurt. refuse to learn. refuse to ever learn.
this is how you ruin your life if you ask me.
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the most important thing in the olympic games is not winning but taking part; the essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well.
date: 2013-01-01 time: 13:07:26
time: 13:07:26my new year’s resolution is to never say i want this or i wish i had that without making a plan to actually achieve that goal. if i want to put on muscle mass? i’ll research the best workouts and supplements for what i want to do. if i see something cool that i want/need to buy that’s expensive? i’ll withdraw $50 every week and put it away until i have enough for it.
i’m never going to complain about things that i can actually achieve with hard work again. that’s my new year’s resolution.
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