sometimes i’m sad and sometimes i’m so happy that i literally feel like i’m dreaming or like i’m on the edge of a fucking cliff or like it’s going to end any second? like i’m going to fuck it up everything good that’s about to happen just won’t and i’m going to fuck it up i’m going to fuck up fuck up so so bad and my heart is so swollen with good feelings that it starts to hurt so i deflate it and i make myself sad again and i don’t even know why because sad is worse than too happy idk and i feel like the in between is just a different type of sad why can’t i just let myself be happy i hate myself i hate myself so much even as i type this i hate every word i’m typing and i think that’s why i can’t be happy