20:51

  
           date: 2013-09-12 time: 20:51:22
life hack: eat well. drink lots of water. cut toxic people out of your life. realize you don't know everything. realize you don't have to give your input to every subject. realize that listening is often more important than speaking. try to exercise regularly. try to challenge yourself. don't romanticize other people. don't blame yourself for other peoples' faults. think critically about yourself. surround yourself with people who listen to you. listen to others. be a friend to get a friend. realize the you in your head is a figment of your imagination. read lots of things. erase your self image and replace it with something mutable and always changing. be kind to animals. recognize you're a very small creature made of stardust situated in a spatio-temporal fold you have no means of seeing beyond and that the only things that will last after your death are the good things you manage to do for others and the love you share. don't feel bad about enjoying silly things, don't let other people cow you into silence. fight for what you believe in. remember that you are perfect. remember that your existence is complex and cannot be reduced to trite aphorisms or a list of subjective characteristics. remember that none of this advice may apply to you. remember your family. remember where you come from. arm yourself for the future. arm yourself for the world. take care of yourself. you are never alone.
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  20:40

  
           date: 2013-09-12 time: 20:40:39
don't straighten the back of your hair. you won't be able to see it. you dress for you, not for them. don't straighten any part of yourself that you prefer curvy or unkempt.
 
you are not a piece of clothing to be folded into a suitcase, or an envelope to be stuffed in a mailbox, or a book that needs to fit on a shelf.
 
pack your bags. send letters to those you love to let them know how you feel. send letters to those you hate to let them know how they've wronged you and how you've forgiven them. read books. build shelves. stop worrying. stop thinking.
 
you do not have to lug yourself around. the more there is of you, the more strength there is to carry you. it all cancels out. your net weight is zero.
 
you are not a package - it does not cost more to ship you when you are bigger. you are a human being. ship yourself wherever you want to go.
 
stop making excuses. "i'm fat" is the dumbest reason to avoid living.
 
life is not a gym class. it does not exist to humiliate you. it is not about you, but it is for you. stop forging notes to get out of it. stop skipping days. don't fool yourself. live. get on with things.
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  12:14

  
           date: 2013-09-12 time: 12:14:53
And today I realized
that I am the biggest hypocrite
of them all.
 
I tell everyone to keep holding on
that there is light at the end.
That everything gets better as long
as you continue to wait.
 
I always tell people to have hope.
That they need to keep trying because
it is too early to give up,
that they have so much to live for.
 
Then there is me,
and I am barely holding on.
 
A.K.
 

poems // 0 comments

  11:56

  
           date: 2013-09-12 time: 11:56:06
you are not a pear, you are not an hourglass, you are not an apple; you are a human being, with bumps and crevices and scars. you are a million shapes rolled into one. you are a universe within yourself. you are a human being, and you are magnificent.
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  22:32

  
           date: 2013-09-11 time: 22:32:31
älskar min blogg så sanslöst mycket ni förstår inte
 
med risk för att låta självgod <3
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  22:14

  
           date: 2013-09-11 time: 22:14:47

competitive friendships are absolutely the most poisonous thing ever like if you’re in one and you’re able to recognize that (often you can’t but if you can) then seriously distance yourself from that person idc how much you love them i promise you will feel so much better as a person if you just don’t know what’s going on in their life for a while

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  20:44

  
           date: 2013-09-11 time: 20:44:02
goals:
 
- spend more time reading for pleasure (every night before i go to sleep?? even for just a lil while??? this would be good)
 
- spend more time journal-writing it’s fuckin cathartic
 
- do my homework asap so i can go out and have fun later
 
- don’t worry about texting ppl too much and don’t worry about ppl hating you that’s their business not yours
 
- have fun
 
- remember you’re not dumb for asking questions
 
- remember just bc the work is harder doesn’t mean your professors hate you for fucking up sometimes
 
- remember that you don’t actually hate doing your work, just starting it ((((and that’s just the beginning part it’s over in a sec! just do it!))))
 
- remember that fruit is always good to eat
 
- if you can’t decide whether or not to do something/say something, do it/say it
 
- smile more (take good care of your teeth!!)
 
- apologize less
 

lists // 0 comments

  19:41

  
           date: 2013-09-11 time: 19:41:56
ten things to appreciate
 
easeful days, dreamless nights
 
social and emotional intelligence
 
the love of the good things we ate in our childhood
 
bringing beauty and meaning into life
 
getting a really good haircut
 
dried greenery
 
carrying a map
 
tobacco stores
 
selecting ripe melons
 
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
 

lists // 0 comments

  19:08

  
           date: 2013-09-11 time: 19:08:00
saknar att skriva och vill bara dela med mig av precis ALLT som händer i mitt liv just nu men något sätter stopp för orden och jag får inte ut något förståeligt, och det är så sorligt
 
men jag mår bra. väldigt bra. mer än väldigt bra. allt är alldeles underbart för tillfället.
 
ps. påminnelse om att ni alla är fina varelser. var stolt över dig själv. 
 

what's life??? // 0 comments

  21:15

  
           date: 2013-09-08 time: 21:15:26
idag har jag
  • vaknat sent men samtidigt alldeles för tidigt med tanke på min sömnbrist som råder i veckorna
  • sett på alldeles för många avsnitt av den världsbästa serien supernatural som jag håller kärt <3
  • ätit osttortillas
  • ätit en god frukost bestående av fil blåbär granola samt tärnad gurka
  • druckit litervis med vatten och steviasaft
  • pluggat för lite spanska
  • skrivit i kalendern som är proppfull av viktiga händelser
  • läst favvobloggarna
  • duschat bort helgens bravader
  • insett hur hemsk denna värld är
  • funderat på att städa men sedan glömt av tanken
  • legat i sängen
  • bakat chokladbollar och ätit chokladbollar
  • konverserat med fina vänner och andra
  • saknat farmor och farfar
  • tänkt. för mycket.
 

lists // 0 comments

  20:54

  
           date: 2013-09-08 time: 20:54:02
obs. detta inlägg är endast en påminnelse för mig själv ps. du kan sluta läsa här ds.
 
spanska v.38
la salud - hälsa
desayunar - äta frukost
el desayuno - frukost
dar - ge
el lugar - plats
soler - bruka
el zumo - juice
el cruasán - croissant, giffel
la magdalena - muffins
han puesto - de satte fram
el frijol - böna
el jugo - juice
la naranja - apelsin
el gallo pinto - maträtt med bönor och ris
el huevo - ägg
frito - stekt, friterad
la tostada - rostat bröd
la selva - djungel
el pescado - fisk
la yuca frita - friterad maniok
el patacón - friterad matbanan i tillplattade skivor
la tortilla de maiz - majspannkaka
ha hecho - hon har gjort
la arepa - majsbröd, majspannkaka
mediterráneo - medelhavs-
el beneficio - nytta, fördel
significar - betyda
concretamente - i själva verket
principal - huvudsaklig
la característica - egenskap
la verdura - grönsak
el arroz - ris
los cereales - flingor
las legumbres - baljväxter; grönsaker
usar - använda
el aceite de oliva - olivolja
extra virgen - extra jungfruolja
consumir - konsumera
elegir - välja
los frutos secos - nötter, frön
la miel - honung
la aceituna - oliv
evitar - undvika
el exceso - överdrift, överutnyttjande
la sal - salt
sano - hälsosam
el aumento - ökning
el sobrepeso - övervikt
el papel - roll
jugar un papel - spela en roll
comer fuera de casa - äta ute
luchar contra - bekämpa
el dueño - ägare
prometer - lova
ofrecer - erbjuda
el plato - rätt
además - dessutom
retirar - flytta undan
el salero - saltkar
 
 

what's life??? // 0 comments

  16:52

  
           date: 2013-09-07 time: 16:52:38
i höst vill jag:
- baka äppelpaj och äta tillsammans med vaniljsås
- titta på tv
- försöka ge mig på att sticka strumpor
- ta många långa promenader
- ha myskväll med vänner
- måla med akryl till fin musik
- kramas
- skriva massa dikter och annat vid tillfällen då regnet öser ner
- våga gå klädd i kjol och strumpbyxor samt stickad tröja
- läsa megamycket bra böcker
- laga mat med höstens råvaror
- plocka kastanjer med lillebror 
- träffa farmor och farfar
- dekorera mitt rum med ljusslingor och tända stearinljus
- gå på bio
- bada skumbad efter långa skoldagar
- ha golvpicknick med någon fin vän
- plocka svamp
- fika på stan en torsdagskväll
- dricka kopiösa mängder te ur fint porslin
 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  11:17

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 11:17:56

 

things i like // 0 comments

  11:16

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 11:16:32
listen to me
you are not selfish for wanting to die
i miss when you would squint your eyes
to catch flakes of light caught in your lashes
but i still feel you
everywhere i go
you're living in my fingertips and i'm leaving traces of you
for everyone to see
that you are still here
i want you to take your medication
when you're supposed to take it
take the proper amount
cry if you need to,
but realize it is okay to need help sometimes
i want you to put your shoes on today
and step outside
skip school if you need to
just talk to the flowers and trees and bugs
don't try for your mother or your sister or me,
do it for yourself
because you will always be worth trying
you will always be worth life
whether it trembles on through three am phone calls
or brushes itself through your hair when you dance in your underwear
you are not selfish for wanting to die
you are human and you are here and i feel it
 

poems // 0 comments

  11:10

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 11:10:42
bring me to another world
preferably somewhere filled
with your lovely thoughts
 

poems // 0 comments

  11:08

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 11:08:05

Go ahead, numb the pain
with niceties and your sad attempt
at an apologetic expression
that didn’t fool anyone for a second.
It doesn’t change the fact
that there are needles
puncturing all of my
vital organs. (I haven’t forgotten that
you put them there.)
So let’s play your favourite game:
how many spoonfuls of sugar
can you feed me
before I realize
it’s poison?

 

poems // 0 comments

  11:05

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 11:05:36
It's been more than a
year and my anger is still
too much for my words sometimes.
I apologise for never learning to
forgive, but you never learned to
be sorry.
We're always running the same circles
into the ground, aren't we?
 
(ak)
 

poems // 0 comments

  11:01

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 11:01:43

Self-pity uses a surprisingly large amount of energy;
I wish I could explain how it hurts to get out of bed
but it’s one of those things you can’t understand
unless you’ve felt it.

We are not lazy. We are not bored.
We do not lack passion;
We lack life
but not want of life -
there’s a difference.

Now, I’ll leave you to imagine all the ways in which I could be your version of better:
there’s a letter lying on the floor that
I should have sent a week ago.

Maybe one day I’ll stitch myself up to create something
mildly resembling something useful
and get everything done well, and - more importantly - in time.

But for now? Well, time flies when you’re miserable as hell.

 

poems // 0 comments

  11:00

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 11:00:47

You tried to play my bones
like a piano.

You kept hitting the keys
harder -
so carelessly -
when they didn’t give you
the melody you wanted.

I’ll give it to you,
you never were very
‘musical’
but you should have known:
the real music in a piano
comes from strings within, hidden

from view.
You’ve never cared enough
to look deeper into anything
or anyone but yourself.
You never played my strings,
because you never learned to read
the rises and falls of the scales
and arpeggios of my thoughts,
nor could you understand the sharp pain or the flat numbness.

You never treated me like a musician
would; a musician
has respect for the instrument.
A musician makes sure
the instrument is working -
leaves nothing broken, damaged.
A musician fixes these things,
gentle with the delicate keys.

No, you were never much of a musician.
You fractured my skeleton
but my body will
never
sing for you.

 

poems // 0 comments

  10:59

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 10:59:19

It’s like we were walking along a cliff
and somewhere along the way I just
dropped off.

You see, I’m no good at explaining the ‘why’s of situations,
just the ‘what’s,
like when I wrote down I love you (I could never
say it out loud)
and I realised that some things are not
warranted by explanations -
they just happen.

One moment we walked together
and the next I was gone
and I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more to hold onto.
Just know that before I fell, I held out my hand.
You didn’t take it.

 

poems // 0 comments

  04:37

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 04:37:57

helping people makes me feel a lot better than doing anything else ever does i love it when people ask for my help and i like telling people things and hearing that i made them/someone happy i love!!! making people happy nothing makes me happier than making other people happy . i wanna make everyone happy. dare me to say happy again. HAPPY!!!

 

deep thoughts and unpopular opinions // 0 comments

  02:38

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 02:38:56

When you get sick your body has white blood cells to protect itself.

The phagocytes will engulf the pathogen, the thing that’s plaguing your body
and digest it, obliterate it completely.

And then the lymphocytes will produce antigens and some of them will stick
to the disease, screaming,
‘It’s here! The danger is here!’

And then the phagocytes will engulf it.
It’s just that easy

(most of the time).

But the best part
is that your body can make
memory cells
and they remember perfectly
how to fight the disease,
how to kill it off before
it has the chance to affect you
the next time you come near it.

I’m learning these methods of self-preservation in emotional terms very slowly.
I’m building up my mind’s own immune system.
I’m reminding myself of the pain of last time every time I find myself falling in love with
a stranger’s walk or the sloping shoulders of the boy on the bus that remind me of sledging in the winter
and I’m sending the warning signals to my heart and I’m telling it to stop -
stop wanting, stop needing,
stop beating.

If only there were a way
to protect your heart
without shutting it down completely.

 

poems // 0 comments

  02:31

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 02:31:12
I still get anxious about
leaving the house and
the seams of my clothes are
coming undone
because I can't stop tugging
at my sleeves
and when I'm certain shades
of blue
I can't eat a thing
and sometimes when
the blue is like the ocean
I'm the opposite - it's
the only way
to fill this void.
I still get shaky when
I have to go to school
or work,
I bite my lips when I see you
and most of the time
I have to hold my own hand.
 
(ak)
 

poems // 0 comments

  02:27

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 02:27:59

I wanted to build a bonfire
for everything I hate about the world

And because I couldn’t find any logs
I burned my bones instead

Then realized there was nothing left
to throw into the flames

Because I don’t hate my mind, not really. This why
I find most of my bull’s-eyes on my body;

The only arrows on my thoughts are the ones
aimed at my internalized hatred that stems

From the acidic soil of a society that says
it’s better to be thin than to write poetry.

 

poems // 0 comments

  02:17

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 02:17:16
It still hurts to think;
your name still feels like grit on my tongue.
 
I folded my bedsheets this morning
and something about the soft linen
sounded like your voice.
I need to stop finding you in places you've never
even been.
 
Right now I'm struggling to find a way to love you
let alone to love myself.
 
You see, the difference between us
is that your fire is still burning - my flames
were doused years ago.
 
I hate you for carrying on living
and I hate myself for not being able to.
 
(ak)
 

poems // 0 comments

  02:05

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 02:05:47

every cell inside me is there for a reason,
but for what reason are they keeping me alive?
the blood races around my body,
the air rushes in and out of me.

oh how i wish that they could see,
what they were fighting for;
maybe then,
my heart would fail suddenly.
my lungs would collapse unexpectedly.
and there would be no more brain cells living,
to wonder all these things.

 

poems // 0 comments

  02:04

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 02:04:09

Perhaps if we stooped so low,
as to stop for a moment
a fleeting second
we might take the time to realise
the beauty of the budding flower,
and the delicate delight of a smile,
and the intricacy of the veins on our wrists
and the carefulness with which blood is pumped through them.
we might also notice
the boy getting bullied at the back of the bus,
and the girl crying because her father died,
and the little child who doesn’t want to go home
because they don’t know what horror awaits them there.
Perhaps if we stopped for a moment
we might realise
that too much of beauty is natural,
and too much of devastation is man-made.

 

poems // 0 comments

  02:01

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 02:01:01
They line us up in perfect rows and
judge us based on
 
How we answer a few questions about
a few different things and then
 
Sum us up in one small letter.
 
Let me tell you something: I am not an
A or a B or a C;
 
I am a person and most questions, I assure
you, have more than one right answer.
 
'What does the human heart do?'
Apparently 'it breaks' was not correct
But I am human and it seems that
That's all mine ever does.
 
And to the question 'How do people breathe?'
I answered that some people breathe more easily
than others
And personally I forget to breathe sometimes and
Other times it feels more like I'm suffocating
And I'm afraid that one day my lungs will step
altogether
And no one will care.
 
All they gave me was a cross in red pen and
zero marks
Because no one accepts the truths they don't
want to hear.
 
(ak)
 

poems // 0 comments

  00:17

  
           date: 2013-09-01 time: 00:17:38
a poem for each of the guys i've ever loved
 
i.
you were my favorite 3am
i still think the eyebags
are worth it
 
ii.
my new sheets can never
compare to how your bare skin
makes me feel safe
 
iii.
my mom still asks about you
how you are and what you do
i wish i still knew the answers
 
iv.
my hands never seem to fit
right with anyone else's
other than yours
 
v.
i had the poems you wrote me framed
and hung in the darkest
spaces of my mind
 
vi.
i wish my feelings would just
wilt away like the flowers you gave me
which i still water every day
 
vii.
i think i need you
more than i needed to pass that lit class
i just realized too late
 
viii.
when you asked what i thought about your haircut, i
only laughed because you seemed to think i would
love you less if there were less of you
 
(ak)
 
(p.s.
these are all for you
there has been no one since you
and even before you)
 

poems // 0 comments

  • H O M E P A G E


    kik me my_way_to_fitness
    instagram my_way_to_fitness
    mail [email protected]



    Alexandra. 16. Sweden. On this blog you'll get to know the real me, with no exceptions, meaning there will be a lot of fucked up thoughts. Mentally dating Styles so I'll be just another hormonal victim at times. Love tea | flowers | avocado | sunshine | salmon | pink | city skylines at night | bubble baths | starry night skies | snowflakes | smoothies | chocolate | dimples | candles | coconut ||.

    beautiful soul(s) online

      2 0 1 2
     1  Δ  2  Δ  3  Δ  4  Δ  5  Δ  6
   7  Δ  8  Δ  9  Δ  10  Δ  11  Δ  12

      2 0 1 3
     1  Δ  2  Δ  3  Δ  4  Δ  5  Δ  6
   7  Δ  8  Δ  9  Δ  10  Δ  11  Δ  12